Friday, November 19, 2010

Lauren aka supreme ruler of the preschool

I have gone quite a while without updating this, mostly because we have been struggling with Lauren and I didn't want to have every post be, "Lauren terrorized her preschool teachers again today...."  I'm not sure we are over the mountain yet, but at least she has been having good days of late, so I feel ok with writing about it here - that it won't be all negative!

It all started one day in September when serendipity struck Lauren.  She was in a contrary mood and wouldn't be quiet during nap time, so the teachers removed her from the room and she hung out with the principal/director of the preschool.  She had a grand ole time in there as the director talked to her and gave her fun things to do.  When they told me that night what had happened, my first thought was, "Oh great, this is not going to be the last time this happens" and, sure enough, about a week later she was misbehaving during nap time and was removed again.  And again.  And again.

You would think they would have connected the dots that she would see being removed from the room as a reward, but alas, the realization did not come until it was too late.  After a week of Lauren being removed during nap time, the director called and talked to me about the situation.  She said that she felt like it was her fault since she was nice to Lauren that first time, but since then nothing has worked to discourage Lauren from her quest to be as naughty as possible so she can not have to nap and no one in the preschool has any idea how to get Lauren to lay down for nap time.

And, honestly, face it, if you are three, this is a pretty fun gig.  You get to run around the room with the teachers chasing you, yelling and tossing stuff around, stepping on napping kids as you evade The Man until you finally get caught and thrown in a sunless jail cell another preschool room where you get to play with older kids who are not napping.  Yeah, there is really is no downside from Lauren's perspective!

So, Scott and I being good parents, started plotting how to make Lauren's life a living hell until she started complying but all the things we could think of just made our life a living hell!  Then I came up with a system where she would get a happy, medium, or sad face every day at nap and Scott came up with the idea that if she got a happy face she would get to wear a dress the next day to school.  Sad face meant no dress.  Megan came up with the idea that if she got a happy face she could wear a giant poofy dress, medium face meant a regular dress, and sad face meant no dress.  This truly was a family affair.

Results forthcoming.....

Quotes of the Week

Quote #1

Megan: I love you blast off!
Me: What?
Megan: I love you blast off!  You know, the biggest number in the world!
Me: Oh.........Infinity!
Megan: Oh yeah, that's what I meant!

Quotes #2 & #3

Scene: Mommy is driving Lauren to a doctor's appointment and sees a police officer as she drives past at 55 in a 40 mph zone.
Me: Uh-oh, Mommy is going to get a ticket from the police officer.
Lauren (with a reproachful voice): Oh, Mommy, you are going to get the Medium face today. (more on that reference in another post)
Me: No, I think this qualifies for the sad face.
The po-po gets out of his car and comes to the window to ask for my license and insurance information. 
Lauren pipes up from the backseat, "Mommy, what is the Mailman doing?"
Thankfully he pretended he wasn't hearing this as I replied, "Um, that's not the mailman honey, that's a police officer" as I handed over my license, thinking, well that just killed any chance I had of getting out of this ticket.....

Quote #4

Megan: Mommy, when I grow up I want to be a Mommy and an artist.
Me: A mommy and an artist?  That's sounds great honey!
Megan: Yeah, I want to be a mommy and an artist.  I know I can do that because you are a mommy and a teacher, so I know I can be both.
Cue Mommy's heart melting....

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Now where did she learn that?.......

Today we were at the dinner table and Lauren dropped her ceramic Princess mug on the floor.  I think she had it tucked under her chin so she could use both her hands to do who knows what.  She's very efficient.

Anyway, she dropped it on the floor under the table and, given the sound it made, I was sure that it had broken.  I looked at Scott and said, Shhhhhhhhhhhh.  He was like, Good catch (we don't usually swear in front of the kids as we don't want them repeating those words to Grandma!).

Megan pipes up, "Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!"  We both looked at her like, WHAT?!?!? She looks at us and says, "What? I said sh*t", adding a shrug.  I said, "Megan, we don't say that word.  That's a naughty word."

Megan: "But, Mommy...."

Me: "No buts, Megan, we don't say that word."

Megan: "But, Mommy, I wasn't saying 'shut up', I was saying 'sh*t'! I wasn't saying 'shut up'--we don't say that!"

Well, hey, at least she wasn't saying shut up......

[going to sit on the naughty parent couch now......yes, Scott, you have to come too]

Monday, August 23, 2010

The Sun Prairie Corn Fest

Yesterday we took the girls to the Sun Prairie Corn Fest.  They had so much fun!  We had our doubts, as we left at about 2:30, which is prime tired time for Lauren.  She was a bear!  She was little miss crabby until we saw a guy with a giant baseball for a head - this just cracked her up, and she was fine after that.

There was a kiddie roller coaster that Megan wanted to go on, so of course Lauren wanted to go, too.  Originally Scott and I were going to ride with them, but then we decided it would be ok if they rode together.  However, we were still a bit nervous about Lauren.  Scott thought she would freak out and want to get out; I thought she would let go and get tossed out going around one of the corners.  As it turns out, neither of us was even remotely close.

She absolutely loved it - held on tight with a look of pure joy on her face.  It was so much fun to watch.  Megan loved it too.  I think they would have ridden it all day if they could have.

The girls (Mommy, Megan, and Lauren) all went on the Tilt-A-Whirl (Mommy's favorite ride).  They loved that one, too.  They wanted to go on a "ride" where it is a fun-house where the floor moves in different directions.  The attendant said it was all metal inside so if they fell they would definitely get hurt.  They didn't seem all that interested in it after that (thank you ex-con attendant guy!).

After the amusement park we went to get a tote of sweet corn.  Mommy and Megan headed for the designer purse knock-off booth, and Daddy and Lauren went in to get sweet corn.  Megan found us a nice shady spot on the hill and we sat down to eat some corn.  Megan had said that she didn't like corn anymore (after previously being a 2-ear-minimum girl) but we said she had to have at least one bite.  Once she had one bite, she proclaimed that she "likes corn again now".

On the way in, they had a ride where they strap you in to a harness and then you jump on a trampoline.  The harness is attached to giant rubber bands, which they stretch once you are strapped in, so that when you jump, you jump really high.  Megan really wanted to do it, so we told her we could do it before we left (secretly hoping they would have closed down by then since it was 7 bucks a person).  Of course Megan had not forgotten about it, so we had to go do that on the way out.

Lauren also really wanted to do it, so they both got in line and we bought tickets.  Megan had fun jumping, but poor little Lauren just hung there since she didn't weigh enough to stretch the rubber bands out!  The operator (a young guy) said that they have to have two bands, and each band is rated for 25 lbs.  That means that she had 50 lbs pulling her up, and only 30 lbs (her weight) pulling her down!  He ended up manually pulling her down so that she would pop back up.

She went so high!  And she laughed and laughed.  She had such a great time.  At one time, she exclaimed, "I'm jumping, I'm jumping!" and the guy said, "No you're not!  *I'm* doing the jumping for you!", as he sweated profusely from doing the labor-intensive work of catapulting her in the heat.  I think Megan was a little miffed that she didn't get catapulted as well, but she still had fun ("Mommy, look at how high I'm jumping!").  At the end of the ride, I thanked the guy for doing that for Lauren, as it really made a big difference for her, and he said he felt like we paid 7 bucks for the ticket, we ought to get our money's worth.  I thought that was so kind of him.  I wish we could have done something for him in return.  I would have given him a tip but I had spent the last of my cash buying Lauren's ticket! (does that qualify as irony?)

On the way home we drove through Dairy Queen.  Megan got her usual Reese's Blizzard, and Scott got his usual Butterfinger Blizzard.  I decided to push the envelope and get a waffle cone instead of a regular one.  Bad idea.  First of all, the waffle cone's one side extends up so you can't properly lick the top of the cone (they do give you a spoon, but half the fun of a cone is that you don't use a spoon!), and the waffle doesn't even taste good when you eat it.  We got Lauren a twist cone in a bowl to try to minimize the mess, but she insisted on licking it anyway.  At least the bowl caught most of the drips.

The girls were pretty tired when we got home and were both sound asleep by 8:30.  Mommy was also tired, and was in bed shortly after they were!  All in all, it was a fun day.  Megan is already planning ahead for next year.  She told me that we have to save all our money for tickets for next year so she can ride all the rides over and over.  I told her she should save her money (not that she gets any, but she still resolved to do so)! 

They actually have unlimited rides for $20 Thursday and Friday nights (it runs Thurs-Sun) but the mosquitoes are so bad this year that we just couldn't subject the girls to running around a big field at dusk.  Poor Lauren gets bit up in bright sunshine (at one point this summer she had no fewer than 25 mosquito bites in various stages of healing despite wearing layers of bug spray) so we could only imagine the feast the mosquitoes would have at that time of the evening!  Hopefully next year they won't be so bad and we can take them for one of those days.

It's interesting as a parent how you can have so much fun, yet not really do anything yourself.  The things I did at the Corn Fest were few and far between, but it was so much fun to see the girls having fun that I didn't even care that I wasn't doing anything.  It is more fun to give someone else joy than it is to create it for yourself.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Duck Duck Goose

The other night I told Megan to ask Daddy where the duct tape was, so she went out of her room and marched straight over to him and asked,

"Daddy, I need some Goose Tape." 

Scott was like, What?!? What the heck is Goose Tape?  Once I stopped laughing I told him we really needed "Duck" tape. :-)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Lauren and the bathroom

Lauren + time alone in the bathroom = not good.

Ever since she started using the potty she has loved to unroll the ENTIRE roll of toilet paper.  If you didn't catch it in time, she would then pile it all in the toilet. Of course you can't flush that much TP so you had to somehow fish the partially-disintegrated TP out of the toilet and put it.....well, I'm really not sure where you put it since I always made Scott clean it up LOL.

Sometimes to save time she would just unroll it directly into the toilet (future efficiency expert, that one).  Finally I downloaded a game to my iPod Touch where you see how long it takes to unroll all the TP (virtually, of course).  This seemed to quench her desire for unrolling TP for about 6 months. She has started unrolling again but now at least she rolls it back up when she is done.

When Scott picked her up from preschool the other day, her teacher was like, I have to tell you about Lauren in the bathroom.  Uh oh, thought Scott.  Her teacher said that Lauren was in the bathroom for quite some time so she said, "Lauren, I'm going to come in and check on you..." She opened the door and there was Lauren, reclining on the toilet.  She was scooched all the way back so she could put her feet up, and she was resting against the back of the toilet with her hands behind her head.  Her teacher was like, "What are you doing?"  She said, "Relaxing."

Then there was the underwear incident.  She was in there for quite a while so finally Scott went in to check on her.  She often strips when she uses the bathroom and then never wants to put her clothes back on, and this was no exception. 
Scott was like, "Ok, let's get you dressed again.  Where is your underwear?"
Lauren: "I don't know"
Scott: "Well I know you had underwear on when you went in here so it must be here somewhere...."
Lauren: "I put it in the toilet."
Scott: "You put your underwear in the toilet?!?!? [looking in and seeing nothing in there] What did you do with it after you put it in the toilet?"
Lauren: "I flushed the toilet."
Scott: "You flushed your underwear down the toilet?!?!? We don't flush underwear down the toilet!!  TRACY!"
Me: "What's the matter?" (as I see Lauren coming up the stairs)
Scott: "Um, well, Lauren flushed her underwear down the toilet."
Me: "She flushed her UNDERWEAR down the toilet?? Lauren, did you flush your underwear down the toilet?"
Lauren: "No, I didn't do that."
Me: "Did someone flush your underwear down the toilet?"
Lauren: "Yes, but I don't know who.  I didn't do it though." (as she marches upstairs half-naked)
Me: "Lauren, we don't flush underwear down the toilet.  Only toilet paper goes in the toilet (as I'm thinking, File this one under "rules I never thought I would have to make up")."

Thankfully it was some underwear that didn't fit her very well anyway so she picked a good pair to flush.  I'm just glad it wasn't the triple-layered training pants - now those would have necessitated a hefty plumbing bill!  And now we check to make sure Lauren leaves the bathroom with all the clothes she went in with!

Lots of fun stuff to share

The girls are at such cute ages right now that I thought I should be writing all this down before I forget it.  Then when they are 13 and 15 I can go back and read these stories and remember how cute and funny they were! :-)